Singleness--Part Six -- Embracing Singleness

          Steam is rising off the freshly made coffee, and after several interruptions, I’ve settled down to write instalment six of the Singleness series I’ve been writing.  

        

      After my return from the DTS in England in 1988, I settled into life in Indianapolis, Indiana.  

In 1989 I lived on the sixth floor of Vantage Point Apartments, a 15 story high rise apartment complex.  The efficiency apartment I lived in overlooked Indiana State Road 37, Fall Creek Parkway and another group of apartments.  The double-towered complex sat on the corner of 45^th Street and Allisonville Road; only a 20-minute walk to work on Willowbrook Parkway.

          I had just moved into the building in October, pleased that I would be close enough to walk to work should the need arise.  It also meant I could go home for lunch.  

The building had once been a luxury community, boasting of a barber shop, a beauty shop, and a dry cleaner in the second tower.  By the time I moved in, it catered to more middle income residents who wanted to be close to work in central Indianapolis, but not living in a completely urban area.  

          The complex provided a “club house” on the third floor that residents could rent.  One Saturday morning in November (1989), I rented the “club house” for a celebratory brunch for my 31^st birthday.  Six of my friends sat with me at the oversized table, enjoying egg-and-sausage casserole, bagels, coffee, juice and birthday cake.  Of the seven of us, only one was in a long-term, committed relationship.  The other six of us were single—whether through never marrying or having experienced divorce.  Each of us in the room knew the desire to share meaningful moments with a “Significant Other”.  

          My 30^th birthday must have been low-key, as I do not remember how I celebrated turning 30.  Most probably it included time with my family and a few close friends. 

 Turning 31 years old seemed even harder.  What made it such a challenge?  There was no potential groom on my horizon.  It was complicated by the famous loud ticking of MY body clock taunting me that my chance of having a family (having babies) was as elusive as ever.  

          I’m not sure at what point I had a reckoning about being single.  However, there must have been a moment when I understood that I could either wallow in self-pity, complaining about the unfairness of life.  Or I could lean into the singleness; embrace the opportunities that singleness provided.  The choice was choosing depression or choosing joy.  Choosing to embrace, even celebrate, singleness would require commitment.  So, I began a process of moving to acceptance.  It took years.

          To be honest, I’m fidgeting in my chair, while writing about this time in my life.  My thirties were a time of growing up emotionally, reconciling truths about my family and finding healing.  

          A conscience effort on my part was to give thanks for my singleness.  Moments of frustration and loneliness would tempt me to complain.  At these same moments, a scripture verse song would come to mind:

“In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God;

“In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God;

"In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.”  1 Thessalonians 5:18

Being single wasn’t totally bad.  Actually there were some advantages of which I made a list to be thankful for: 

• I am free to visit my parents whenever I want.
• Mom can come and visit me anytime she and I want her to visit; for a weekend or a week without anyone else being put out or aggravated. 
• I can go where I want, when I want, with whom I wanted.
• I have sole control of the television.
• I have enough clothes so that I need do laundry only once a month.
• I can eat what I want—which means I can cook if I want to, or not cook if I am not so inclined.
• I can sleep in the middle of my queen-sized bed.
• I am freer to explore ideas about returning to missions without the concerns of uprooting a family. 
• There is more time to spend more time with God. 
• There is no one to argue with about the type of music I listen to or entertainment I watch. 
• I can stay up all night reading if I want.
• I can go to bed at 7.00 pm and not worry about preparing dinner. 
• I won’t disturb anyone when I come in late from my second job.

          Determining with my will to give thanks changed my perspective.  Yes, I desired to be with someone special, to be someone’s spouse.  But I also knew that my quality of life—single or married—depended on me acknowledging and appreciating my blessings.  Gratitude leads to joy, contentment and peace.  Practicing gratitude led me into the Father’s Presence, walking with Him and learning to love Him more every day.

Serving Jesus, Author of our faith,

“Lady Helene”

P.S.  Vantage Point Apartments, 2855 East 45th Street, Indpls, were razed in 2011.  That location is now occupied with The Point on Fall Creek, an apartment facility.